Parents Learn How to Talk About Bullying

From name-calling to cyber-bullies, Hermosa Beach parents and school officials have taken a first step toward addressing the social issue of bullying in Hermosa View and Valley schools.

“I deal with bullying on a daily basis in my office,” Hermosa Valley School Interim Principal Rita Flynn told parents at a public forum last week. “It’s prevalent in many forms.”

Community parents gathered at Hermosa Valley School on Thursday night for as part of a Safe School Ambassadors Program to help give students, parents and teachers skills to effectively intervene and prevent bullying.

A conducted in Hermosa Beach’s public schools found bullying to be a mild to moderate problem. Parents Tania Poire and Tony Drockton said that their son has experienced bullying first-hand.

“We wanted to hear what we could do about it, and how to communicate better,” Poire said while at Thursday’s workshop. 

The workshop aimed to educate its 58 attendees about how to communicate with their children about bullying and respond effectively when their children experience or witness mistreatment.

“What’s concerning me is all the technology that surrounds my children,” said workshop attendee Isabe Gombas, whose children are in first and second grade. “It’s very scary, because you can protect what they see to an extent, but it’s so expansive." 

Tisha Marina, a Safe Schools Ambassador Program trainer with the nonprofit Community Matters, told parents at the workshop that “we all have concerns, and we will be leaving with solutions.”

Marina advised that parents “can build and strengthen relationships with your child, observe and notice mistreatment and intervene effectively,” she said.

Communication is Key

Tips on how to communicate with children include setting aside time to spend with them, “greeting not grilling” them when speaking, and using an ask-ask-tell technique during conversations, Marina said.

“It’s a way to start that communication,” she explained. “Ask them two questions and then tell something about your day. So often we don’t share enough about our day and our lives.”

Ask open-ended questions, Marina said. Parents at the workshop even brainstormed possible questions to ask their children.

Parents were also advised to make sure their child has at least one good friend, as well as other adults that they can trust and talk to.

Parents should also promote respectful behavior in their own homes—and comment when a child is kind to others.

“Start noticing behavior when they respond in a positive way,” Marina said. “Catch the good things, and let a child know you notice. It feels really good for your children." 

Is Your Child Being Bullied?

If a child has been bullied, “listen and acknowledge their feelings, let the child know that he or she has made the right choice by telling you about the incident, assure them that they are not to blame and help the child be specific in describing the incident,” Marina told parents.

She also elaborated on things not to do:

• Don’t blame the child;
• don’t insist they confront the bully;
• don’t confront the parents of the student who bullied the child;
• don’t tell the child to ignore the bullying.
• Instead, work with the child to come up with a way to deal with the situation.

Is Your Child a Bully?

Marina also explained effective ways for parents to intervene if a child is bullying others:

• Connect and address the problem with the child;
• share data with the child by saying what you’ve observed and how it can lead to trouble;
• ask for more information from the child regarding his or her behavior;
• show empathy about the situation;
• get specific about what you see as the issue;
• discuss possible consequences;
• work on solving the problem and, lastly, offer to help.

To get more involved in preventing bullying, parents should become familiar with the technology children are using, like Facebook and texting, Marina said. 

Marina encouraged parents to participate within the school, joining up with existing groups and initiatives, networking with other parents, volunteering, raising or donating funds to support programs that teach leadership skills, and advocating for youth empowerment and involvement.

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