This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Community Corner

How to Talk to Children About Proposition 8

Hermosa parents may be getting more questions about same-sex marriage.

In Hermosa households, a typical question asked at the dinner table is, "What did you do at school today?"

But now children may be asking more difficult questions.

"Mommy, what is same-sex marriage?"

Find out what's happening in Hermosa Beachwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Hermosa Beach resident Sheri Chen said that her two 8-year-old children have been asking about Proposition 8. They have friends with gay parents.

"My kids are perfectly fine with it," she said. "And think nothing of it."

Find out what's happening in Hermosa Beachwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Parents across the city have been following the news that a federal judge overturned Proposition 8 on Aug. 4 and same-sex marriage foes subsequently filed an appeal.

Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker decided last week that no same-sex couples could marry in California until the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals decides on Wednesday whether or not to allow such weddings during the appeals process. 

As of Friday night, all sides in the case have filed legal arguments on whether the federal appeals court should clear the way for California to resume same-sex marriages.

Hermosa Beach mother Maggie Curtis said that her 6- and 8-year-old children haven't yet asked about Proposition 8, but she's prepared if it does come up.

"Just as women and men get married, so can two men and two women," Curtis said she will tell them.

Maggie Magno, another local parent, said she's in the tough position of attending a church that opposes same-sex marriage, but wanting her family to value equal rights.

"It's a challenge," she said. "My husband and I are Christians and are for equal rights but our church feels so differently about the issue."

"I think the best way to approach my kids when they do ask is to say, 'Everyone is equal, we all have different paths in life, and everyone has the right to be loved,' " Magno said.

Some parents, and Proposition 8 supporters, said that they fear discussing same-sex marriage with children will spur them to think about sexual orientation sooner than they would have otherwise. 

A study conducted by University of Southern California professor Judith Stacey found that children with lesbian and gay parents are more likely to depart from traditional gender roles.

For example, daughters of lesbian mothers were more sexually active than daughters of straight parents; and sons of lesbian mothers were less sexually active than sons of straight parents.

But a separate piece of social science research shows that children who are raised by same-sex couples adjust and develop socially in the same manner as children who are raised by heterosexual couples.

A study from the University of Virginia that appears in this month's issue of the journal Applied Developmental Science sampled 106 adoptive children across the country, comparing those who were adopted by same-sex couples and those who adopted by heterosexual couples.

No significant difference in parent-child relationships, self-esteem, or developmental behavior was found between the two groups.

And the same-sex marriage topic remains difficult to avoid for all families, whether or not children completely understand the debate, according to Hermosa family counselor Dr. Christine Blake.

"It's healthy to start talking about these issues when the child is younger," Blake said. "You wouldn't start talking about sexual intercourse with 5- and 6-year-olds, but you can explain to them the different body parts, then incrementally talk about intercourse as they get older."

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggests taking a gradual approach when talking with children about sex, Blake said. 

"The child can know the basics when they begin to ask about it," she said. "Then gradually they'll formulate their own opinion."

In terms of Proposition 8, Blake suggested that parents explain what the ruling allows for same-sex couples, and respect whatever opinions their child may have regarding the case.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?

More from Hermosa Beach